What Not To Say

Today is the last day of Resolve's National Infertility Awareness Week. In honor of the week, I thought I would do a post on what not to say to a woman trying to conceive. I fully believe that people with good intentions simply don't know what they should say, and they try to offer encouragement the only way that they know how. Unfortunately, what begins with good intentions can often result in hurt feelings for the recipient. I've dealt with many hurtful comments from close friends and family, and so has every other person that's ever dealt with infertility. So in case you know of someone who's trying, keep these 'what not to say' pointers in mind. If you've already said these things, have no worries. Most likely, the person on the receiving end knows how much you love her, and she isn't dwelling on it.

"Just Relax"
I've heard this one more than any other! I think it probably stems from the fact that everyone knows someone that accidentally got pregnant. Unfortunately, relaxing doesn't cure medical issues. Over 95% of couples that are dealing with infertility are dealing with a physical issue, not a stress issue. While not conceiving easily does cause stress, it's generally not the root cause of the problem. This statement is frustrating and there really isn't a good response for someone who has just received this advice. I've often wondered what would happen if I launched into the whole, "well actually, I've been tested and no amount of relaxing will make me ovulate regularly..." speech, but I generally just smile and walk away.

"Just Adopt and You'll Get Pregnant"
Oh if only it were that easy. There isn't any such thing as "just adopting". Adoption costs anywhere from $25,000 - $40,000, and takes years. What's more, there are situations where families waiting for infants domestically aren't ever chosen to receive a baby! There are no guarantees. In my situation, it is very possible that one day I may ovulate on my own. When I was regularly doing ovulation predictor kits, I did catch a month or two out of several years that I ovulated normally. So it's possible, that one of those months, I could get pregnant without assistance. That can happen with, or without, adoption.

"It's God's Plan"
For me, as a Christian, this is the most hurtful. I fully disagree with this statement and I could write volumes on why I disagree with it. I won't here, but please understand that this is really not a nice thing to say in any circumstance regarding infertility. Women having trouble conceiving may already been wavering in their faith, as infertility often carries guilt and self-blame. Take an opportunity to uplift instead!

"I'll Be Your Surrogate"
Believe it or not, I've also heard this one from numerous people, some that I don't even know very well. I know that people don't intend for this to be cruel, but it can cause hurt feelings. Surrogacy is only appropriate in limited situations, and really is a very last resort for most people. It's insanely expensive, and very complicated. For most couples, this will never be an option due to the type of infertility they are experiencing. For a woman dealing with infertility, this is yet another reminder that it seems everyone else can have children but her. It tends to add to the guilt of not being able to get pregnant and needing to rely on someone else.

*Obviously this is appropriate in some situations. I'm just providing a general overview*

Again, I know that it's hard to know what to say, or how to act around someone trying to conceive! Women are especially nurturing, and it's in our nature to try to provide advice and comfort to a hurting friend. Here are some suggestions as alternatives.

If you're a Christian, let your friend know that you are praying for her, then do it. I don't think you can ever go wrong here. I have lots of women praying for me, and I am so appreciative of that type of support.

On a day that seems particularly hard for your friend, write her a note to let her know that you're thinking of her.

Send flowers.

Listen. This one is important. If you have a friend trying to conceive, chances are that she would love to vent sometimes, but is scared of being bombarded with advice. It's nice to have friends that I can talk to that simply listen.

Lend a shoulder to cry on.

Offer a hug or a kind touch. A couple years back at a Mother's Day service at church, when they asked the mothers to stand up, a woman sitting next to me put her hand over the top of mine, and held it for a minute. That simple gesture meant so very much to me.

So you see, there are plenty of alternatives to advice. Most women dealing with infertility don't want it unless they ask, or unless you've been there.

I hope that you don't have too many people in your life struggling with infertility, but if you do, I hope that this has been a helpful list!

Home Sweet Home

After a long week of travel, I'm finally home. Of all of the places I went, Seattle was by far my favorite! I didn't bring my camera, but did manage to get lots of pictures on my cell.

Wednesday we ate dinner in the hotel lounge. I ordered the Dungeness Chicken. I also tried a new beer, which was quite tasty - Pyramid Hefeweizen.

Thursday, we finally had a chance to get into the city, where I saw a beautiful old building that I completely fell in love with! I generally love anything covered in ivy, and this was certainly no exception.

Of course we had to wander down by the water.

When we were walking along the edge, we found this little guy. Someone told us that he has lived here for about 6 months, and people feed him fish all day. He was clearly not scared of us, and even came out to beg. We were pretty close to the fish market, so I'm guessing he probably eats better most days than I do with all of the fresh fish! Pretty cute, huh?!

While we were training all week, we asked everyone for recommendations on where to eat, and they all recommended Ivars. It's a seafood place right on the water. They were running a special that included an appetizer, entree, and dessert, so that's what I ended up doing. This was quite possibly the very best meal of my life.

I regret not getting a picture of dessert, but let me tell you, it was heaven. It was a dark chocolate cake, layered with white chocolate and raspberry mousse, sitting in a raspberry sauce. This cake was moan-out-loud-while-savoring-every-single-bite kindof good. Better than sex kindof good (maybe not better than really good sex, but you get the picture)

Overall, I really enjoyed Seattle. I would love to go back with Josh and actually see the fish market in action. Due to the time restrictions, we really didn't see too much of the city, which is unfortunate. I definitely would not want to live there, but it's an interesting place. One observation about the people (and maybe this is a Northern/west coast thing?) but of all the places we visited, these people were the most "expressive", for lack of a better word. At each of the locations we traveled to, we facilitated 2 supervisor sessions, each of which included supervisors, as well as their direct bosses. In Seattle, I couldn't help but notice that most of the leadership had crazy piercings and tattoos. I'm not talking a discreet nose ring or anything - like, crazy kind of stuff. It surprised me because it was really unprofessional, and at my home office, wouldn't have been allowed in a leadership position. To each his own though.

After a ridiculous amount of travel time on Friday (8+ hours), I was very excited to sleep in my own bed! I wondered how the time change coming back would be since it was such an adjustment for the first part of the week, but it wasn't bad at all. In fact, it was the best sleep I've had all week!

Sleepless in Seattle

One sheep, two sheep, three sheep...it's not working. I can't go to sleep, so I'm opting to write instead...

I'm still traveling - tonight I'm writing from Seattle. It's been a good week, but a busy one. Generally, my job doesn't require me to travel, so there are definitely some things to get used to. Mainly, serious jet lag. I had a conversation with a fellow coworker yesterday who travels frequently, and he asked me how it was going. I told him that even though I'd slept good, I feel exhausted all.the.time. Apparently, that's jet lag (who knew?!) Everyone but me? Oh...

I'm really sleepy even now, but we're staying at a Hilton that smells like old people and creaks. I think I just can't seem to relax enough to sleep tonight...

Anywhoo, I think so far the whole training piece is going well, too. I was really worried because I'm training with two people that I normally don't work with (one that I'd not met until Tuesday) and I wanted to appear like I was totally prepared and completely put together - not like someone who just found out Thursday that I would be traveling... Let me tell you, these guys totally put me at ease and we've had a blast together (even though they would probably say "bless her little Tennessee heart..." - city folks!). I feel like I've known them for years, and that makes our training classes rock. I didn't think I'd really enjoy it as much as I have. It's been fun to get their perspective on things, and it's been fun to witness "ah ha" moments from the people we've been training. For the first time in awhile, I am really enjoying what I'm doing, and feel like it's genuinely appreciated.

Having said that, I'm beginning to get a bit homesick. I really miss Josh, and I would love to go to sleep in my own bed, and wake up without an alarm. Wonder if it'll be an adjustment again when I fly back on Friday since I'll "lose" a couple of hours? Because that would suck for sure.

One really great thing about this trip is the lack of focus on Tuesday's appointment with the RE!!! I can't believe it's less than a week away. It's so overdue, and I'm really ready to get it over with. I would probably be fretting if I was home, but I'm too tired and sidetracked to do that here (do you know how much energy goes into worrying?!) I would rather sleep.

Having said that, I believe I'll try again. After all, I have to be ready to go by 7:30 - UGH!

Sweet dreams my sweet friends!

Oh Monday!

Thank you for the sweet words about my Huckleberry this past week- they meant so much. It was an incredibly difficult week, made worse by the fact that Josh was traveling for work. I had to make the decision by myself, and then call and tell him over the phone. I wanted him to be there so badly so that I could just cry on him, but since he wasn't, I had some sweet girlfriends try and make it better. I'm thankful for beautiful friends that know just what to say!

*********

Today, I'm writing from across the country - in Boise, ID! Last Thursday when I was almost to work, my boss called and said she needed me to fill in for someone and facilitate a training this week. She asked if I could drive to Kentucky after work so I could observe some classes on Friday in preparation for this week. I did, and I'm pretty familiar with the material, so I agreed to travel this week. It will be hectic FOR SURE. Here is my schedule:

Monday - fly to Boise (seriously, an entire day of travel)
Tuesday - session in Boise; fly to Seattle, WA; drive to Lacey, WA
Wednesday - session in Lacey
Thursday - session in Federal Way
Friday - fly home from Seattle (an even longer trip than the first!)

My flight this morning left at 7, so I was up at 3 since I needed to leave my house by 4 to get to the airport by 5. I'm a firm believer in getting to the airport a couple of hours early, and there were numerous people this morning that missed their flights due to an insanely long security line - hello people, it's a Monday morning. Fortunately, everyone on my flight was sleepy, so it was quiet and I slept almost the entire time.

I really haven't done much of anything since I've been here. Almost as soon as I arrived this afternoon, I took a long, hot bath and checked my e-mails in the bathtub (because who says you can't have a little luxury while traveling...). I'm getting ready to meet up with some other people who will be training with me this week, and we're heading out to dinner somewhere. Always nice to travel with others, especially when I don't have to drive at all! Wish me luck tomorrow in class!

(hopefully I can successfully pretend that I do indeed know what I am talking about...)

It's Been A Hard Day

Due to an unfair set of circumstances, I had to make the difficult decision to put my sweet kitty, Huckleberry, to sleep this afternoon. It was the right decision, because he was in pain, but that doesn't really make it any easier. I feel like I lost a member of my family, and I'm just totally and completely heart broken.

:-(

Ramblings

This week has been a relatively quiet one. I've been working on our bedroom mostly. I know, I know - that was supposed to be a quick project. I should have known better! The good news is, that the bathroom is 95% done. It's completely painted, and the painter's tape has been removed, but there are some small touch-ups that need to be done. Mostly around the edges. I decided not to stripe in the bathroom as I'd originally planned, because it was SO hard to tape. There are too many hard-to-reach areas because of the layout, and I can imagine that striping would be a nightmare, so I'm just sticking with our bedroom. I'm all done with the base coat (finished that last weekend), but hadn't taped out the stripes yet. Josh and I did that yesterday with a chalk line, so the painting itself shouldn't take long at all. I should have finished it today, but I was feeling a little lazy, and opted to read instead  :-)

In other news, our bedroom furniture arrived today!! I *love* it!!!! It's sooooo much more beautiful than in the pictures! I'll definitely post some pictures, but only once I finish the bedroom and get our new bedding in, so it may be a couple of weeks.

For a little TMI, I'm waxing my legs this week, so they are fuzzy and itchy. Definitely overdue... It's my blog, and they are itching this very moment, so I can overshare if I want to.

OH! Totally have to ask - have you ever tried quinoa?! Well. I never had until this weekend! I love, love, love it. I wasn't really sure what to do with it, and it was a spur of the moment meal. Yesterday, we couldn't figure out what to eat for lunch, and we really didn't have alot to choose from, and neither of us wanted to go out. So I dug through the pantry and found a box of quinoa that I bought on sale months ago. I cooked it in vegetable broth, and then sauteed red onion, black beans, and garlic and combined it with the quinoa. Josh said it looked like eyeballs (because that's exactly what kind of observation a mature, 30 year old man should make....) which made me slightly hesitant to try it, but once I did, I wondered where it had been all my life. It's seriously the best thing ever. It will easily replace brown rice for me!

April is National Infertility Awareness Month, which is near and dear to my heart. I thought in honor of it, I would share a little bit of information with you on what not to say to someone going through infertility. That deserves a post of it's own, but I've already started writing it, and I'm quite excited. Gotta spread the word!

Speaking of which, my RE appointment is just a couple weeks away now! I'm so excited and anxious that I can hardly stand it!